As I look back now - four or so years later - I realize that Garry's advice was actually very sound.
So how did I get here?
Without boring you with too much detail, here are the little road signs God created for me without me even realizing it.
In July 2017, I left my job at the Red Cross.
For a short time after, I was employed by David's Bridal. They were only scheduling me for 4 hours every two weeks, so I quit.
My husband and I were struggling to make end's meet. I was having an identity crisis not having a job. One day, as I was driving, I called out to God for the first time in forever - out loud.
I begged him to show me my path. To take away my pain.
That same day, I walked into Bergner's. I was dropping of something for a friend, and decided to drop by the Lancome counter to visit a dear friend from my former church, Sally. Since I was scheduled for surgery right in the middle of the holiday season, I wanted her opinion on whether or not I should apply for seasonal work. She directed me to the Assistant Store Manager - and I left that day with a job. They hired me despite the fact I would be gone for at least three weeks in December. I couldn't believe it. I was grateful and felt as though God heard my prayers. That day, I felt like God led me on that path and that for some reason, I was meant to be at Bergner's.
I worked in handbags and accessories during the holidays. Once the holidays were over, I had hoped to move over to Lancome with Sally. No openings, but Estee Lauder was hiring. I got hired for Estee Lauder full time.
A couple of weeks ago, a woman walked in for a foundation match. During our conversation, I found out she was the Interim Chancellor and President of Methodist College of Nursing. I told her I had thought about nursing in the past, and she encouraged me to apply and told me about their programs.
She gave me her card, and the next day I emailed her. The following week I had appointments with a faculty member and a recruiter.
Fast forward to today - I found out Bon Ton, the parent company of Bergner's, is liquidating.
I feel like everything that has happened since last July has been leading up to this moment. I wanted to work at David's Bridal - it didn't work out. I got hired for a job I didn't expect to get hired for due to my medical condition. I didn't get hired for the counter I wanted. But, I believe with all of my heart that God intended for me to meet Dr. Garrison that day. You want to know what drew her to me? My cross necklace my mom gave me a few years ago for Christmas.
I feel like God said no to my prayers for a baby because He knew I wasn't where I'm called to be in my career. That Garry's advice years ago was likely the same thing God was trying to tell me, but I kept ignoring Him out of fear. Fear of failing.
For the first time in forever, I feel like I can clearly see what's ahead. It wasn't a coincidence that I am where I am today. For the first time in forever, I feel at peace with our infertility. Am I still sad some days? Absolutely. But, I know now that God has plans for me that are bigger than my small world. They're bigger than I can imagine, and I can't wait to see what He has planned next.
I finally see the WHY. It took me awhile, but it has clicked for me. Sometimes we get the WHY quickly. Sometimes it takes weeks. Months. Years. Sometimes we may never understand the WHY. And as hard as that is to swallow sometimes, it's important to step back and try to see the whole picture (advice from my mother).
If you're struggling to find your WHY, to understand your WHY, please reach out to me so I can pray for you. I pray you find peace in your heart. I pray that something in your heart will shift and you have enough strength to cry out to God, even when it feels like He is not listening. I promise you, you are not forgotten.
Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."Love,
Kristy
