2025 Refelection

 It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I have so much to say as I reflect on 2025. I am done holding back. Airing "dirty" laundry is something I have avoided. However, at some point you reach your tipping poing. For me, that moment is NOW.

Shall we begin this simply?

Highlights:

1. My husband

2. MY family

3. Friends

4. Mentors

5. Student Teaching

6. Self-awareness and improving habits that keep me healthy

Low points:

1. Toxic family dynamics for 2+ years.

2. Continually being the scapegoat and treated "lesser than" the ex-wife

3. Being lied about and liked to

4. Being taken advantage of over and over again

5. Constant lies and manipulation

6. Continually questioning and believing everything is my fault.

In 2026, I am DONE with self-abandoning myself for the comfort of others. If there is TRULY regret in your heart for your actions but you fail to act upon them, then it is meaningless. Spare me the, "but we said to do this..." or the crocodile tears over us being close. If you kick me when I'm down, do you REALLY think I'm going to trust you again? Absolutely freaking NOT. One day I will forgive. But after years of feeling like the outsider, I am done. My peace, my self-preservation, and the work I want to do in this life is far more important that appeasing people who have hurt me over and over and over again. I hear how you talk about each other. Do not think for one moment that I'm naive enough to think these conversations are happening behind closed doors. "They should have never been married in the first place." or "I really hope she didn't entrap him into having another child." or planning a baby shower you left be out of likely out of good intentions, but to bring it up in front of me? A passive-aggressive card on mother's day? Never truly feeling welcome because I was the "late-comer" to the family? Seeing the ex-wife supported more than the current wife who picked up the pieces? I cannot believe I left this go on for so long.

As an adoptee, I am well aware that blood does not make up family. Please continue to believe the lies, manipuluation, and triangulation caused and instead continue focussing on the villian you want me to be because I finally reacted to how poorly my husband and I were treated.

I truly hope my husband reconciles. But for me? Hard pass. I am just grateful they showed me who they really are before I continued to sacrifice my happiness, life, family, friends, career, and other things because I loved and cared about my huband, his daughter, his family, and keeeping her life as normal as possible.

I don't even care who sees this anymore.

I did and said regretable things that definitely make me guilty in parts of this situation. But I am absolutely DONE with placing 100% of the blame on myself.

Kind of convenient that this "reconciliation" comes right before the holidays. Guys, you had years to try to make this right. You chose not to. Now it is absolutely your turn to apologize, own up to your crap, and make it right. If you don't, that's fine. That's your decision. I plan on staying with my husband. I warned you that you would lose him. You ignored me. As this seemingly innocent child (who you questioned whether or not the DCFS claims against her mom were true) spins her tale, maybe talk to those with fully developed frontal lobes.

I'm not even going to go into the trauma that lead to my responses because over and over again, you have demonstrated you do not care or care to understand.

Truly, if you think this is who I am, you never, ever knew me or cared to understand.

I have my husband. I have my family. I have my faith. I'm done making myself small for people who only want to make me smaller.

Want to judge? Go right ahead. You don't have the full story, so judge away. I'm done.