December of 2022 was the last time I actually published a blog post. I have several drafts, but I couldn't find the wording. In 2019, we closed a big chapter in our lives - deciding there was no possible way we would have a child together. I know it was the right choice. Since 2019's excision surgery for endometriosis where the implanted an IUD, I have not had to have another surgery. Prior to that, within a five year span I had five surgeries.
After that, I felt like I had nothing new to say, so why bother?
Last year, I wanted to "revamp" The Little Lotus Project and change the name to "Redefining Our Rainbow". A rainbow baby (if you haven't heard this term) is a baby born after loss. Seeing rainbow baby stories gives me mixed emotions. On one hand, I am so grateful another couple did not have the same outcome we did. On the other...there is our outcome, which was nothing but a mountain of medical debt. We decided our "rainbow" could still happen. We just need to find ways to create our own rainbow.
This year, I keep getting signs that it is time to bring back the blog, but with a different twist. I want to share our "signs" because they are pretty cool (at least in my opinion)
In March, Branson and I visited Union Station in St. Louis. It fell on March 17th...and it was the 9th anniversary of our first failed IVF cycle. I have not been to Union Station in a very long time. But, they have a water / fire feature that includes lotus flowers. I don't remember the last time I saw a lotus that wasn't a picture or tattoo. The thing is, we weren't supposed to be at Union Station. Our tradition is to go to Red Lobster because that's where we went March 17th nine years ago to "regroup". But they had a long wait, and we had limited time.
In July, we went to my hometown. It was a wonderful weekend away. On our way back, it was raining a little and we saw a rainbow. At one point, we could see both sides of the rainbow. It brought me some peace and made me rethink my decision to stop this blog.
I started this blog so others would not feel so alone in their journey with infertility. I wanted to educate, advocate, and help others struggling with the same journey feel less alone. But the murk is more than just infertility. There are so many things we all endure that try our emotional, physical, and spiritual capacity.
So here is my new mission: to share stories and struggles that few people want to talk about because it is still "taboo", like certain mental health issues. The mission is to continue to help people feel less alone and share what worked for me in hopes of providing a blueprint or "sparking" something in others that helps them heal.
I already have several posts in mind and I am excited to finally be back to blogging. I know it is a bigger trend to post quick videos, but I write too much or talk too much on each subject I tackle for that to work. Plus, I love to write.
Thank you to everyone who has supported our journey and who continue to support and encourage us to keep moving forward. We love you.
